At the ashram I had purchased a beautiful photo of Swamiji and when I returned home I put that picture up on the wall, next to the stairs where I would exit my apartment. In that way I was forced to look at that picture everyday when I was leaving my apartment and I was so happy that it was there. Every day I would stop for a moment and look at that photograph and think about how beautiful this Swamiji is; that there is such wonderful energy coming from him and I do think I love him. I felt as if Sri Swamiji had slowly and silently crept into my life; into my heart. That was so beautiful.
I often wondered why He sent me away and why He tested me like that. Finally, I realized that it was because my mind was full of so many stupid ideas that I was not able to pick up anything of what He stood for. Sri Swamiji cannot be understood with our intellect or our mind. Our mind is such a silly, restless, limited device that our Sri Swamiji cannot be understood by that, something I did not know at that time. What had to happen was that my heart had to open up, and so it did. Slowly I started to develop a very kind feeling towards Him and after about a year I was totally in love with Him, I fell in love with a photograph and then I was wondering if I was crazy or if something was wrong with me. That feeling was very pleasant and deep.
I heard that Sri Swami was coming to Switzerland, a place I love as I had the opportunity to live there with my meditation teacher previously. He was coming to a place outside of Zurich and I was very excited to go and visit Him there. I took a flight to Zurich, rented a car, checked into a hotel and then walked to the home where Swamiji was staying. I came to the house, and rang the doorbell but the person who answered was very unfriendly to me. I know that this person is a very great soul but, at this time, Sri Swamiji was using him to test me. He told me that Sri Swamiji was here for a private visit and no one would be able to see Him. I explained that I did not know this but even if I could not see Swamiji could I, at least, do prayers in the Datta temple there. He said, no! that it was private and I would not be able to meditate there and to please leave.
So I left and went back to my hotel crying. I wondered how it was possible that people who were hosting Sri Swamiji could be so unfriendly and impersonal, and this made me very sad. I cried for about an hour and I thought that I would not give up so easily. I had come all the way from Antwerp, Belgium and I would stay one more night and try again tomorrow, as tomorrow is another day and today is not my lucky day. I went to bed and Swamiji came in my dream and made me feel peaceful. The next morning I went to the same house, which was a big thing for me as I felt so miserable about the treatment that I had received that day before.
This time there was a couple of people standing around the house chatting, so I thought that this was a good sign. I thought that even if I could not see Him personally maybe I could get His darshan when other people went to see Him. It was taking a while, and as I did not want to engage in conversation I sat down on the side of road and meditated. I became very peaceful and calm. Suddenly I had an urgent sensation in my bladder that I had to get up to go immediately to the bathroom. I do not know how I got such a strong pressure but I went to the house to ring the bell and asked to please be allowed to use the bathroom.
At the moment I was about to ring the bell the door opened and I did not know how it opened. In the back of the house I could see Sri Swamiji sitting, smiling beautifully in His beautiful ochre, orange robe and He was inviting me to come to Him. I immediately took off my shoes and went in. When I saw Him the sensation in my bladder had completely gone and I went to Him and prostrate. Sri Swami was sitting in lotus position, but when I was in front of Him, He stretched His legs towards me. That has been one of the greatest experiences in my life. He offered His feet to me and I was just falling on His feet and became totally quiet and filled with His being. My whole soul became full of His love and His wisdom.
While my forehead was lying on His feet I could see the whole universe, I could see the stars, the Milky Way; the whole universe was in His feet. He asked me to get up and I did so, then He smiled and said “from now on I will help you.” If you have any problem you remember me.” I was so happy with these words that somehow confirmed that He took me as a student. Immediately, I asked him for name as I felt as today was my new birthday. Swami looked at me and said you are Agastya. I don’t know what Agastya means but I liked that name very much and till today I am very happy that He gave me this name.
Then He nodded at me to leave and I left feeling so happy that I felt that I could embrace the whole world. The first person I saw, I hugged. I was so happy because I had had a new birth and He had promised to help me. Shortly after that He conducted a satsangha with a small group of about fifteen persons. He had an old harmonium on which He played the bhajans. Some of the bhajans I remember were; Pahi Pahi, Isa Patisha, Shambo Mahadeva, some very beautiful classical bhajans which I still love to sing till today.
I always remember these golden days with Sri Swamiji where He played the harmonium Himself. He is the most beautiful person in the world and there is no other that can compare to Him. I have seen many beautiful women in this world and they are nothing compared to Sri Swamiji. I had fallen totally in love with Him and till this day I am still in love. After the bhajans session I returned to my hotel room and I was literally floating with happiness. The next day I returned to Antwerp with Sri Swamiji in my home and in my heart.
About two weeks later, I had some unpleasant sensation in my lower body. I went for a medical checkup and the doctors found that there was cancer in my body. I had to stay in the hospital for chemo treatment. It was a shock, that after such a beautiful experience, I had to go into another mode of existence. I had to face a very serious and deadly disease which most people, including myself, are very afraid of. I remembered Sri Swamiji’s words that if I have any problems to think of Him and He would help me. I thought of Him then and had so much relief as I knew that He would help me.
That night I prayed to Swamiji and said “it is not up to me whether I live or die, it is all in the hands of God, maybe even in your hands. However, one thing I will say is that if I am healed I will be yours and I will dedicate my life at your Feet and to your service.