I will do anything you want me to do according to your plan and mission. I know that you have come to help so many people and not just me. Maybe you will allow me to be an instrument, so other people may also get your grace and your love, and also understand your mission and reach a state of realization. I promise that if I am okay I will do that.”
Then I fell asleep and had a wonderful dream where Sri Swami came and did a surgery on me with His own hands, but no knife. I woke up with my body shivering and I was totally happy with the presence of Swamiji. I could feel Him, and I know that He was in the room. His presence was so dense that the air in the room was not hospital smell but full of a fragrance of divine vibhuti. I could also see the vibhuti and I thought that it was all an illusion. Then a nurse came into the room and commented on the wonderful smell and the dust in the air. I explained to her that my beloved Sadguru had blessed me and that I was leaving the next day as I had had been healed. She commented that there must be truth in my words as the smell was so beautiful.
The next day I called a friend who took me home. I would sit on my bed and do my Japa and meditation exercises. I thought that I should do something to keep my spirits high so I would not get depressed. I believe that chanting the name of God is a good way to keep the vibration high so that you don’t fall into a mode of something negative. I was also fasting and only drinking water. Normally one gets really weak with this fast and I was already weak from the disease but after a few days I was able to jog. I felt weak at first but after a few minutes I felt more and more energy entering my body then at some point I felt so light that I did not feel any body anymore.
My body consciousness was totally gone, I was witnessing my body run but there was no effort involved. I thought that this must be the blessing of Sri Swamiji and I started to pray to Him internally, and with each step I visualized it as a pranam to his Lotus Feet. My running process was one continuous pranam to Sri Swamiji and I became more and more light and happy. I continued for about ten days and each day I was getting more energy.
Once, Sri Swamiji overnighted in Holland on His way to the United States. I went to His hotel and knocked on the door of His room, no one responded so I entered. I had a most beautiful Darshan of Sri Swamiji standing on His bed cladded only in a loin cloth. I felt as if I had invaded His privacy, but He said “Agastya, you come and see me later.” Later, I went there and He called me for an interview. He asked how He could help me. I told Him about the cancer, that I had to do chemotherapy, and that I had some major experiences that He should know about. He nodded and said that I do not have cancer, forget that cancer. I thanked Him and said that I would forget that cancer.
My friends and family thought that I was living in an illusory state, thinking that I did not have the cancer. A friend, a film producer, who knew many famous people, acknowledged that he believed me and my experiences, but wanted me to visit his friend who was a very famous cancer specialist in California USA. He invited me to visit this doctor so that he and my family could have peace of mind about the cancer. An appointment was set in UCLA, but it was planned that I would stay in an ashram and go to UCLA for tests, etc. At the ashram there was a beautiful energy flowing as there was an event where the chanting of ‘Om Nama Shivaya’ was going on continuously for seven days. I joined in the chanting and went to my appointments as well.
The first evening I did not want to go my appointments. I felt that if I was healed and that I had God’s grace in my body, there was no need for me to go there, but I went for the sake of my family and friends to know that I was okay. I did all the checkups and after a few days the doctor called and said that he could not find the slightest trace of cancer in my body. He was amazed by this because I had given him the diagnosis sheet from my original doctor. They both had studied together and knew each other. They were amazed that they could not find any cancer. He said that “we doctors try to do our best but I believe that God uses our hands to heal, we are not healing, God is the healer. Sometimes things works and sometimes they not work, so it is not up to us. We do our best, we try to develop technology and treatments to try and help people but in the end it is God who decides.
With you there are no doubts that he has done a great job, congratulations. You do not need to come back and you do not need chemotherapy. The results show that you are an exceptionally healthy person and you should go and live your life happily.” I thanked him and left. I then began my American journey, one that will take me to Sri Swamiji who was touring in the Americas at this time. I heard that there was a rock formation in Pittsburgh that He would be visiting there and I wanted to see him. There was also a Kriya Yoga course in Massachusetts at the Center of the Light. I wanted to go to the there so that there would not be anymore darkness in my life; I wanted to move to light.
I was so happy coming to the Kriya yoga class and I wanted to go to tell Sri Swamiji my entire story. However, when I saw Him, He would not even look at me. I was in shock. I love Him so much and He would not even look at me. This disappointed me, but I thought that maybe He was very busy and decided to go ahead with the classes. We had to stay in a dormitory but I wanted to be alone, so I took my mattress into a barn, in a field on the compound. I would sit on my mattress and ponder on my life and what has happened to me. I was in deep misery as Sri Swamiji whom I loved so much would not acknowledge me. I was so disappointed that I said that if he does not look at me the next day I would go home.
The next day while I was going to the hall Sri Swamiji stepped out of the passageway. He had a huge smile on His face and He opened His hands to me and said “Agastya, come. Everything is over now.” I was very happy and knew that I did not need to go home, my Guru had acknowledged my presence and that I was with Him. Then He made some movements with His hands and some beautiful semiprecious stones appeared. He told me to select one; I selected an amethyst in the shape of a Sri Chakra. Afterwards I went into the class where Sri Swamiji was continuing with His program.
When the course was completed, I was not sure what I should do as Sri Swamiji would be attending some private programs. I started to make preparations to go home. Suddenly a Swiss man, Peter who was married to an American woman, Susheela, invited me to their home in Pennsylvania where Sri Swamiji was going to visit. I was driving an Oldsmobile, which I had borrowed from someone, that used a lot of petrol. While following Sri Swamiji to Pennsylvania, I had forgotten to put petrol in the car and the meter was showing empty, but there were no petrol stations to fill up. This made me very stressed but with the grace of Sadguru, the car continued to go without me having to fill up. After this visit, I was invited to His next stop and I was very happy.
That night, during the early morning hours, I had a dream where Sri Swamiji came, held my hand and said let’s walk. We started walking and we left the earth walking straight into the sky. We were literally walking on clouds. He was holding my hand and I was not afraid. Then He turned to me and said “Agastya I will lead you to realization”. It was the most beautiful dream I have ever had in my life. I woke up and went into the living room although everything was dark. At one corner, I saw a little light and I could make out Sri Swamiji sitting in the corner meditating. He slowly opened his eyes and I crawled on my knees towards Him. I did pranam to His Feet and He smiled at me. I asked if it was all true what you had just told me in my dream. And He said “Yes it is true.” I sat there quietly then and meditated with Swamiji.
I knew, at that point, that He would never leave me, and that certainly and without failure He would lead me to salvation, the final destination of the soul. I believe the true disease in this world is the identification of the body, the identification of the maya and the illusion around us. We have forgotten who we are and we feel separate.